Friday, June 30, 2006

Breaking News: Mass Required!

Ok, I promise this will be my last post of the day, but this piece of news about student life will affect everyone: Christendom College now requires that you go to Mass twice a day and confession at least once a day. One may expect various implications from this development. The impact on the Student Activites Council should be profound. The religious affairs director will likely receive a 20% raise in pay, corresponding to a 20% cut in the pay of those people who organize afternoon activites such as ski trips or those lectures they sometimes have in the Chapel Crypt. Fr. O'Kielty will be forced to move back to Padre Pio, where he can be easily reached outside of his four hours of scheduled confessions for an unscheduled absolution. He and Fr. Heisler will take attendence for the sacraments on their Palm Pilots. The choir is expected to come up with new polyphonic settings for the Tuesday and Thursday 4:45 p.m. masses, just to add some variety. One o'clock and four o'clock classes will be abolished. Other than that, life should continue on as normal...as normal as it can be at such a highly conservative place.

Ok, ok, I should really leave the fake news to Jonathan, shouldn't I? :-D

8 comments:

The Black Fox said...

How DARE you call it fake!

The Black Fox said...

How DARE you call it fake!

The Black Socks said...

Oops, I did that twice didn't I?

the black box said...

Oops, I did that twice didn't I?

bakerstreetrider said...

I think that would be the death of our poor chaplains. ;-)

the black rocks said...

Ah, someone mocketh me besides myself. Doomed are they.

the black crocks said...

Ah, someone mocketh thee besides thyself. Groomed I stay.

the black docks said...

Thy ship shall shink shurely shay I, black crocks.